Rarified Air II

At 10:47 on Sunday morning, shortly after our last Bad Golf Guy post, my Lebanon Valley College roommate, teammate and seemingly life-long friend (Whitey) responded, and I quote; “At first, when I read “Rarified Air”, I thought you were going to share the story about the recruiting visit and East College. My response was clear and concise; “I am not willing to tarnish our impeccable reputations by telling such a tale!”

After further consideration, reputations be damned!

The story begins during our senior year, on a spring weekend, which happened to coincide with our Phi Lambda Sigma Fraternity Weekend. Our Fraternity Weekend was a big deal as it included a formal dinner on Friday evening, an off-site Grove keg party on Saturday evening and a picnic on Sunday afternoon.

At some point earlier in the week, long after our basketball season had ended, our first-year head basketball coach (Fran Satalin) pulled Whitey and me into his office to ask a favor. Coach Satalin explained that there was a prized recruit coming to campus on Sunday. He was hoping we would we be able to visit with the recruit and his family; have lunch and tour the campus, in an attempt to solidify the relationship. 

During the previous two years, prior to coach Satalin’s arrival, recruiting was not a top priority for our institution and the proof of this commentary was on full display every Tuesday and Saturday evening at Lynch Gymnasium. At some point during the conversation, Coach Satalin offered an out, suggesting that Kurt (our power forward and Theology major) would be able to handle the assignment in the event we were unavailable. Even with our fraternity picnic on the horizon, we felt obligated to give our beloved coach a hand. Arrangements were made as we would be meet the mother, father and the recruit at the entrance of the Allen W. Mund College Center shortly after they had attended an on-campus church service.

We had a lovely lunch as we discussed the significance of their visit and the importance of their commitment to Lebanon Valley College. Prized recruits were a rare commodity those days!

Truth be told, back in 1976, outside of the Clyde A. Lynch Gymnasium, Frederic K. Miller Chapel, Allen W. Mund College Center and Funkhouser Residence Hall, there really wasn’t much else to see. 

Towards the tail end of our tour; wanting to be respectful of our commitment however yearning to be on our way to the frivolities of our fraternity picnic, we found ourselves in a bit of a pickle as the mom asked to specifically to see “our” room at East College.

Shear panic set in as we attempted to do everything in our power to dissuade her from her request with a few lame rebuttals:

• “We live in untraditional campus housing”
• “East College is more of a house than a dormitory”
• “East College is at the extreme eastern edge of the campus” (which in reality was a mere stone’s throw away)
• “Our room is in no condition for a visit”
• “There is a good chance a few of our fraternity friends and their weekend guests may be hanging out in our room prior to our picnic”
• “It has been announced that East College will be demolished in two-years”

We threw our very best stuff at mom, but she was having none of it!

Background: East College was an extremely dated two and a half story student residence with an ample yard that housed approximately fifteen male students.  My introduction to East College occurred during my first semester of my freshman year. I was visiting a friend who was playing in a card game. Between hands, a few of the participants* walked over to the window and proceeded to jump out of the two-story building. Moments later, they would reappear and casually begin to sort out their new hand!

East College hosted periodic boxing matches as well as the annual Annville Desert Classic at East College Country Club (our yard); a two-day eighteen-hole wiffle golf ball tournament that was played around, over and sometimes unintentionally through the house. True to the “play it where it lies” philosophy, it took Todd Quinter 87 strokes to evacuate his wiffle golf ball from Duane Luckinbill’s room!

*One such participant/East College resident was retired USMC Lt. Colonel Billy Tarbutton; Presidential Command Pilot.  Yes, that’s correct, Billy ferried around a few of our United States Presidents in Marine One.  “The” Presidential helicopter!

Back to the story.

Prior to leaving for or lunch appointment, a fraternity brother asked if he and his weekend guests would be able to hang out in our rather spacious living room prior to the picnic.  Without hesitation we obliged. Immediately following mom’s request to “see our room”, our decision to allow friends to hang out in our rather spacious living room seemed like a really bad idea.  As we considered the possibilities; the walk from Allen W. Mund College Center to our room was remindful of the Bataan Death March.

As we walked through the front door of East College, it was confirmed that we were in a bit of a pickle as the recognizable aroma of cannabis was wafting through the air. We continued our march up the winding steps to the landing, slid our key in the lock and slowly opened the door. With the door opened by no more than a foot, cannabis smoke billowed from the unoccupied room.

For whatever reason, the prized recruit elected not to grace the hallowed halls of Lebanon Valley College the following fall semester!

Upon further reflection, Kurt, our power forward and Theology major, would have been a much safer choice!

Disclaimer: Astonishingly, Whitey and I graduated in four years in the spring of 1976. The Phi Lambda Sigma academic crackerjacks who ran the tournament in 1977, lived in “Annville” and attended Lebanon Valley College for four, sometimes five years.  Somehow, those individuals were not able to correctly spell the name of our town on their promotional bumper sticker!

Thank you for following Bad Golf Guy…the back nine can only get better!